Alternative Ways to Act
By knowing our own shortcomings and looking for alternative ways to act, we find new, positive options for old, negative behaviors.
Yesterday I was at a family gathering and my mother-in-law started her usual pattern of subtle criticism disguised as concern. My old response would be defensiveness followed by days of resentment. I felt both rising. But this time I'd prepared alternative responses with my sponsor. I chose one: I appreciate your concern and I'm handling it. Then I changed the subject.
By knowing our own shortcomings and looking for alternative ways to act we find new positive options for old negative behaviors. Knowing my shortcoming - defensiveness that feeds resentment - helped me recognize it activating. But knowing alone wasn't enough. I needed alternative ways to act prepared in advance. The new positive option was acknowledging her comment briefly without defending or engaging and then redirecting.
God is removing my defensiveness gradually by giving me moments of choice. But I have to provide the alternative actions to choose from. If the only response I know is defensiveness then even when God provides the pause I'll default to the old behavior. Preparing alternatives - practicing new responses with my sponsor - gives me something concrete to do when the moment of choice arrives. God creates the possibility. I provide the prepared alternatives. Together we find new options.
With my sponsor, I can identify one character defect and brainstorm three specific alternative responses I could use when it wants to activate. Write them down. Practice saying them out loud. When the situation arises, I'll have new options ready instead of only knowing my old negative behavior.
