The Holy Pause

In the past, there was no gap. They acted, I reacted. Their drinking triggered my controlling. Their chaos triggered my management. Their decisions triggered my panic. The chain reaction was instantaneous—stimulus to response with no space between them.

Recovery creates a gap. A split second where I catch myself before I react. They make a choice, and instead of my automatic response, there's a pause. A breath. A moment where I can feel the old pattern rising but haven't yet acted on it.

That tiny gap is where God enters. In that holy pause, I have a choice. I can follow the old script—react, rescue, manage, control—or I can practice something new. The pause doesn't feel spiritual; it feels physical. My body wants to discharge the adrenaline, to act, to fix. Stopping mid-reaction feels like catching a bullet.

Al-Anon is teaching me that the gap between stimulus and response is where my power lives. New situations will always appear. The alcoholic will always give me opportunities to react. But in that split second pause—that holy, uncomfortable, terrifying pause—I can choose a different response. That gap is where recovery happens.

When I feel the automatic reaction rising, I can pause for one breath before I act. I can notice the physical urge to react—the adrenaline, the panic—and practice sitting with it for just three seconds before responding. I can thank God for that pause and the opportunity to try something new.