The Gap Between Ready and Asking
Step Seven is the natural follow-up to Steps Four, Five and Six. Now that we have taken our inventory, discussed the 'exact nature of our wrongs' and become 'entirely ready' for God to remove our defects, it follows that the next Step would be to ask Him to do so.
I've been sitting with my Step Four inventory for six months. I shared it in Step Five. I've become ready - or mostly ready - to have God remove these defects. So why haven't I actually asked? Every time I sit down to pray Step Seven the words catch in my throat.
Step Seven is the natural follow-up to Steps Four Five and Six. Now that we have taken our inventory discussed the exact nature of our wrongs and become entirely ready for God to remove our defects it follows that the next Step would be to ask Him to do so. It follows logically. But there's a gap between readiness and asking that I didn't expect. Because asking means something readiness doesn't require: admitting out loud to God that I cannot do this myself. Readiness can stay private. Asking makes my powerlessness real.
What am I afraid will happen if I ask? That God won't answer. That I'll ask humbly and nothing will change and I'll be left knowing that even God can't help me. Or worse - that God will remove my controlling and I'll have to live without the illusion of safety it provides. The asking costs more than I expected.
Tonight before bed, I can kneel or sit in my prayer spot and speak these words out loud to God: I cannot remove my controlling myself. Please help me. Even if my voice shakes, I can say the words and sit with whatever comes up for five minutes.
