The Warm Bath of Victimhood

I found myself caught again, replaying every frustrating detail of a recent conversation with my daughter. The more I recounted it — to my partner, to another friend — the more justified I felt in my anger, convinced that I was the one who had been wronged. There was a certain comfort in that familiar narrative, a warm bath of self-pity that validated my hurt.

Yet, as I heard my own words for what felt like the tenth time, a quiet voice inside me questioned the payoff. Was this retelling bringing me closer to peace, or just digging me deeper into resentment? It was uncomfortable to consider, but the honesty felt important: I was choosing to dwell on the problem, not to move through it.

Then I remembered a share from a meeting about applying principles, not just analyzing situations. It hit me that accountability meant more than just admitting my part; it meant shifting my focus. Instead of performing my pain, I needed to participate in finding a way forward, even if that path felt less comforting than the old routine. Stepping out of that warm bath meant shedding the identity of the victim, and embracing the vulnerability of growth.

When I catch myself retelling the same story of how I've been wronged, I can pause and ask: What payoff am I getting from this narrative? Am I seeking sympathy or solutions? Can I practice applying one program principle to my situation today instead of rehearsing my grievances? What happens when I step out of the warm bath?