Defining Sanity

The phrase 'restore us to sanity' troubled me at first. I wasn't insane. I'd never been hospitalized or had a breakdown. I was functional—I went to work, took care of my family, appeared normal to the outside world. What did sanity have to do with me?

Then I learned that sanity can be defined in many ways. In Al-Anon, insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. It's obsessing over what I cannot control. It's believing I can fix someone else through force of will. It's exhausting myself trying to manage the unmanageable. By those definitions, I'd been completely insane.

I'd called the alcoholic's boss to lie for him—again—expecting this time it would make him grateful enough to stop drinking. Insanity. I'd searched the house for hidden bottles—again—as if finding them would somehow prevent the drinking. Insanity. I'd given an impassioned speech about the consequences of alcoholism—again—believing this time the logic would break through. Insanity.

Understanding this broader definition of sanity helped me see how much I needed restoration. I needed to return to sound thinking, to behaviors based in reality rather than magical thinking. I needed to stop the repetitive, ineffective actions that accomplished nothing but depleting me. I needed sanity restored—not because I was crazy, but because living with alcoholism had driven me to crazy-making behavior.

I can examine my behaviors today: Am I repeating the same ineffective actions expecting different results? Am I obsessing over what I cannot control? These are signs I need sanity restored. My Higher Power can help me return to sound thinking and effective action.