Consistency I Never Found

What I needed most when I arrived at Al-Anon was consistency. My home life had been completely unpredictable—chaos alternating with calm, promises made and broken, good days destroyed without warning. I learned to always be braced for disaster, never to trust that peace would last, never to count on anyone or anything. That vigilant uncertainty became my normal.

Al-Anon meetings offered something I'd never experienced: consistency. The meeting happened at the same time every week, whether I was there or not. The format remained stable. The principles didn't change based on someone's mood. The fellowship showed up reliably. People meant what they said and followed through on commitments. This consistency was revolutionary.

I needed to keep coming back to experience this consistency over and over again until I could begin to believe it was real. One meeting wasn't enough. Ten meetings wasn't enough. I needed months of experiencing the same reliability, the same welcome, the same structure before I could start to trust it. My system had learned that consistency was a lie—only chaos was reliable. Unlearning that took time.

Now I understand why we say 'keep coming back.' Some of us need to experience consistency repeatedly before we can believe it exists. The meetings provide that stable ground where we can finally, gradually, learn to trust that some things remain solid and reliable even when everything else is falling apart.

The meeting is here, reliable and consistent, offering the same welcome it always has. I can keep coming back until that consistency begins to feel real and trustworthy. The program's stability provides ground beneath my feet when everything else feels uncertain.