Meaning Takes Time
It took several years for the meaning of Step Two to begin to sink in.
I wanted to understand everything immediately. I read the Steps, heard them discussed at meetings, thought I grasped what they meant. Then I'd try to work them and feel confused, frustrated, like I was missing something. Why wasn't I getting this? Everyone else seemed to understand.
What I didn't realize was that understanding the Steps is a lifelong process. Step Two's meaning began to sink in over several years—not weeks or months, but years. Each time I returned to it, I discovered new layers, new applications, new depths I'd missed before. What seemed simple on the surface revealed itself as profoundly complex the deeper I went.
This slow unfolding taught me patience with my own process. I don't have to grasp everything immediately. I don't have to achieve perfect understanding before I can benefit from the program. I just have to keep coming back, keep working the Steps, trust that meaning will reveal itself in time. The Steps are not something I master once and complete. They're a spiral I walk repeatedly, discovering more each time.
Years later, Step Two still teaches me new things. I thought I understood what sanity meant, but life presents new challenges that require new applications of that concept. I thought I knew my Higher Power, but my understanding continues to evolve and deepen. The meaning is still sinking in, and probably always will be.
I don't have to understand everything about the program immediately. I can be patient with my own learning process. Each time I return to the Steps, I'll discover new meaning. Understanding comes through time and practice, not through force or urgency.
