From Obsession to Peace

Before Al-Anon, my mind was never quiet, even when the actual focus of my obsession wasn't always the alcoholic. What I realize now is that my Al-Anon personality was wired for crisis. Every thought, every interaction, even mundane daily tasks—I approached them with a simmering urgency, always anticipating the next problem, always mentally circling potential disasters. My mind was like a fire alarm that never stopped ringing, whether there was a fire or not. Crisis wasn't just about the addiction; it was my default setting for how I engaged with the world.

Now, instead of living in that state of constant vigilance and mental emergency, I find more inner peace. Not all the time, not perfectly, but significantly more. This isn't just about letting go of worry about the alcoholic; it's about reshaping how I approach everything. The racing thoughts about what might happen, the constant need to control or fix, have slowed and quieted across my life. I can be present in my own everyday moments instead of perpetually bracing for impact. It turns out, peace isn't about perfectly managed external circumstances; it’s about a profound internal shift.

This journey from an obsession with crisis to a quieter peace might be the clearest evidence of my spiritual awakening. I couldn't have willed this change just by trying harder to be calm. For years, I approached every challenge, big or small, with that same crisis-driven intensity. But by working these Steps with a Higher Power and a fellowship, something fundamental shifted within me. The peace isn't constant, but it's available, and it now defines how I navigate my entire life, not just my response to one person.

When the obsessive thoughts start spinning, I can interrupt them. Call my sponsor. Pray. Read program literature. The peace I've found isn't gone—I just need to use my tools to access it again.