The Spiritual Foundation

For so long, I saw anonymity in meetings as just a rule, a practical safeguard for privacy. It felt like something to follow without really understanding its deeper meaning. Then, one day at work, I was struggling with a colleague I often found abrasive. Everything he said felt tinged with his personality, and I’d dismiss his ideas even when they made sense.

It was in that moment, fuming over his latest suggestion, that a light bulb went off. I realized I was doing exactly what I’d been challenged not to do in Al-Anon—judging the messenger instead of the message. The program taught me to listen for truth, even if it came from someone I didn't personally connect with.

This shift in perspective has been huge. Now, whether it's a difficult family member, a neighbor, or anyone else whose personality might cloud my judgment, I try to step back. I ask myself if I'm reacting to the person or to what they’re actually saying or doing. It helps me focus on principles like kindness and integrity, rather than getting caught up in superficial reactions.

In meetings, I can listen for the principle being shared rather than evaluating the messenger. That person who annoys me? They might be sharing exactly what I need to hear if I can place principles above personalities.