The Balance of Service
A big part of our growth has been learning to keep the focus on ourselves and not put others' needs ahead of our own.
Last week I found myself saying yes to every service request that came my way. Coffee maker? Sure. Secretary? Okay. Call the newcomer? Of course. By Friday I was exhausted and resentful – feelings I know well from my caretaking days. I'd forgotten something crucial about Step Twelve.
A big part of our growth has been learning to keep the focus on ourselves and not put others' needs ahead of our own. This applies to service too. I'm not supposed to sacrifice my wellbeing to serve Al-Anon. I'm not supposed to abandon self-care in the name of helping others. That would just be my old patterns dressed in recovery clothing.
Healthy service comes from overflow not from depletion. I serve because I want to not because I can't say no. I help because it genuinely feels right not because I'm afraid of disappointing someone. The principles I practice in service are the same ones I practice everywhere else: boundaries honoring my limits choosing consciously.
Step Twelve doesn't ask me to return to caretaking. It asks me to share what I've received while maintaining the self-focus that's been essential to my recovery. Service that requires me to abandon myself isn't really service – it's just my disease in a new form.
If I'm already feeling depleted, I can say no to the next service request. Healthy service comes from overflow. When I'm running on empty, the most Al-Anon thing I can do is take care of myself.
