Let Go and Let God

I've been carrying my Step Eight list like a burden for six months. Pulling it out. Staring at the names. Trying to force myself to feel willing. Berating myself for not being willing yet. My sponsor finally asked: Who's in charge of this process - you or God?

Step Eight becomes the opportunity to Let Go and Let God and the opportunity to begin a new partnership with that Power in ridding themselves of the past. Let Go and Let God. I've been trying to do this Step through sheer force of will. Make the list through my effort. Manufacture willingness through my determination. Change my heart through my work. But Step Eight asks me to partner with God not do it alone.

Let go of my timeline for when I should be willing. Let God work on my heart in God's way and pace. Let go of my shame about not being willing yet. Let God give willingness as a gift not something I earn. This partnership means I do my part - I make the list I pray for willingness I examine my own behavior - and then I let God do what only God can do which is actually change my heart toward people I'm still angry at.

I can write at the top of my Step Eight list: My part - make the list, pray for willingness, examine my behavior. God's part - give me willingness, change my heart, determine the timing. When I'm trying to do God's part, I can stop and let go. My job is to show up. God's job is transformation.