How Do We Acquire Willingness
How do we acquire this willingness? Many seek prayer and meditation.
Last night I sat with my Step Eight list feeling completely stuck. I'm not willing to make amends to most of these people and I don't know how to become willing. I can't force it. I can't fake it. I can't think my way into it. So I asked my sponsor the question I'd been avoiding: How do I actually acquire willingness?
How do we acquire this willingness? Many seek prayer and meditation. Prayer and meditation. The answer I didn't want because it means I can't manufacture willingness myself. I have to ask God for help with this too. I want to be able to complete Step Eight through my own effort - make the list check. Become willing check. But willingness isn't something I can achieve through determination.
So last night I prayed for the first time about Step Eight. Not the general prayer I've been saying but specific: God I'm not willing to make amends to my former spouse. Please give me willingness. I felt nothing. No sudden rush of generous feelings. No immediate readiness. But my sponsor said that's not how it works. I ask for willingness and then I wait and watch for it to emerge gradually through God's action not mine.
Tonight I can pray specifically for willingness about one person on my list: God, I'm not willing to make amends to [name]. Please give me willingness. Then I can let go of trying to manufacture it myself. Each night I can pray this same prayer and trust that willingness will emerge through God's work not mine.
