Take Action and Try

I've been stuck on willingness for months. My sponsor keeps asking: Are you willing yet to make amends to your sister? No. What about to your ex? No. To your adult son? Maybe someday. She finally said: Step Eight directs you to take action. You can't wait until willingness feels comfortable. You have to keep trying until it comes.

Step Eight directs us to take action and continue to try until we are willing. If we keep the focus on ourselves and our part whether it is five percent or ninety-five percent of the problem we are better able to become willing. Take action and continue to try. Not wait passively for willingness to descend. Not hope it arrives fully formed. Take action - which means examining my part even while I don't want to. Continue to try - which means coming back to willingness repeatedly when it still isn't there.

Keep the focus on my part. That's the key. When I focus on my sister's judgment of me I can't find willingness. But when I focus on my own contempt toward her - my eye-rolling my dismissive comments my years of silent rejection - I can see harm I caused regardless of her behavior. My five percent of harm is still harm. Willingness grows through repeatedly focusing on that five percent instead of her ninety-five percent.

For one person on my list where I'm not willing yet, I can write: My part was [specific action], regardless of their part. Just write it even while unwilling. Then tomorrow write it again. The repeated action of naming my part builds willingness I can't manufacture through thinking about it.