The Second Part
After we carefully examine and review our list for thoroughness, we are ready to tackle the second part of Step Eight – become willing.
I finished my Step Eight list last month. Twenty-three names. Next to each name I listed specific harms: the contempt I showed, the silent treatment I gave, the controlling I did, the rage I expressed. My sponsor looked at the list and said: Good. Now comes the hard part. Become willing.
After we carefully examine and review our list for thoroughness we are ready to tackle the second part of Step Eight – become willing. The second part. Making the list was preparation. Becoming willing is the actual Step. And willingness to make amends to some people feels impossible. My mother-in-law who enabled the drinking for decades? I'm supposed to become willing to make amends to her? My former boss who I raged at in a meeting? I was justified - they were awful.
But my sponsor said willingness doesn't mean the harm disappears or becomes okay. It means I'm willing to acknowledge my part regardless of their part. I'm willing to take responsibility for my five percent even when their ninety-five percent was worse. I'm willing to clean up my side of the street even when their side is still filthy. The list identified where I need to work. Willingness is the work itself.
I can look at my Step Eight list and mark each name: Willing, Not Willing, or Unsure. For the Not Willing names, I write one sentence about what's blocking my willingness. That honesty about resistance is more useful than pretending I'm willing when I'm not.
