I Will Reap Benefits
If I make the list and become willing to make appropriate amends, one thing is for certain – I will reap the benefits.
I've been avoiding Step Eight because I'm terrified of Step Nine. What if I make amends and people reject me? What if bringing up the past makes things worse? What if I'm vulnerable and get hurt? The fear of potential consequences has kept me from even making the list. But my sponsor said: Focus on what's certain, not what's possible.
If I make the list and become willing to make appropriate amends one thing is for certain – I will reap the benefits. For certain. Not maybe. Not if things go well. Not if people respond how I want. For certain I will reap benefits. The benefits aren't dependent on others' responses. They come from doing my part regardless of outcome. Making the list frees me from carrying unacknowledged harm. Becoming willing opens my heart. Making appropriate amends cleans my side of the street.
The benefits are mine whether people accept my amends or reject them. Whether relationships are restored or remain broken. Whether others forgive me or stay angry. I reap benefits because I've done the right thing, taken responsibility, and stopped carrying the weight of unaddressed harm. That's certain. The other outcomes - how people respond, whether things improve - those are uncertain. But I can move forward toward the certain benefits without guarantees about the uncertain outcomes. The certainty of benefits from doing my part is enough.
When fear of outcomes stops me from Step Eight work, I can write two columns: Uncertain (how people will respond, whether relationships improve, if I'll be rejected). Certain (I'll reap benefits from doing my part, carrying lighter load, clean conscience, spiritual growth). I can move toward the certain benefits without guarantees about uncertain outcomes.
