God on the List

Yesterday I was reviewing my Step Eight list with my sponsor and she asked: Is God on your list? I was confused. God hasn't harmed anyone. What would I owe God amends for? She said: Think about your relationship with your Higher Power. Have you withheld anything? Turned away? Blamed God?

I realized that I also needed to put God on my list because I had withheld my trust and faith in Him and I had turned away from Him. This had never occurred to me. But yes - I've withheld trust even while claiming to trust. I've had faith conditionally - I believed God could help as long as God did it my way on my timeline with proof provided upfront. And when things got hard I turned away. I blamed God for not protecting me from the alcoholic's drinking. I was angry at God for not answering prayers the way I demanded.

I've harmed my relationship with God through my conditional faith and withheld trust. God isn't harmed by my behavior the way humans are. But the relationship is damaged when I turn away, withhold trust, demand proof, and blame God for not controlling things God never promised to control. Making amends to God means acknowledging this honestly and asking to restore the relationship. Not because God needs my amends but because I need to repair what I've damaged through my conditional faith and resentful demands.

I can examine my relationship with God honestly. Have I withheld trust? Had faith conditionally? Turned away when angry? Blamed God for not controlling what I wanted controlled? If yes, I can add God to my Step Eight list. Write: I've damaged our relationship by [specific ways]. I want to make amends by restoring honest trust.