Freedom to Acknowledge

For years I couldn't acknowledge my wrongs because acknowledgment felt like proof I was fundamentally bad. If I admitted I harmed people that meant I was a terrible person. So I justified, rationalized, blamed others. The denial kept me stuck in shame while pretending I had none. Then I started working Step Eight.

Step Eight gave me the freedom to acknowledge my wrongs and to move forward. I forgave myself. Freedom to acknowledge. This seemed backward at first. Wouldn't acknowledging wrongs make me feel worse? But the opposite happened. When I acknowledged my contemptuous behavior toward my ex without justification or defense something lifted. I did this. It was wrong. I'm responsible. And I forgave myself.

That's the freedom. As long as I was denying and justifying I was trapped in the wrongs while pretending they didn't exist. But acknowledging them clearly - yes I was contemptuous, yes it caused harm, yes I'm responsible - freed me to forgive myself and move forward. Forgiveness wasn't possible while I was still defending. Only honest acknowledgment created space for self-forgiveness. And self-forgiveness created willingness to make amends. The freedom to acknowledge wrongs without drowning in shame about them - that's what Step Eight gave me.

For one person on my Step Eight list, I can write this sentence: I acknowledge that I [specific harm] and it was wrong. Then write: I forgive myself. The clear acknowledgment plus self-forgiveness creates freedom to move forward with amends rather than staying stuck in defended shame.