Equal Height Steps
My Sponsor suggested that I think of a staircase with each step exactly the same height. Each step required the same effort and willingness to climb.
Yesterday I was telling my sponsor that some amends on my list feel easy while others feel impossible. Apologizing to my coworker for snapping at them? Easy. Making amends to my adult child for years of controlling? Impossible. The steps aren't equal. She said: Think about a staircase.
My Sponsor suggested that I think of a staircase with each step exactly the same height. Each step required the same effort and willingness to climb. The same height. Not some steps higher and harder than others. Each one requires exactly the same thing: effort and willingness. The content of the amends varies wildly. But the spiritual work of making each amend is identical - show up, be honest, take responsibility, make it right if possible.
This changes how I see my list. The easy amends aren't easier spiritually. They just feel emotionally safer. The hard amends aren't harder spiritually. They just feel emotionally riskier. But each one requires the same spiritual effort: willingness to be humble, willingness to take responsibility, willingness to show up regardless of outcome. When I see each step as the same height I stop ranking them by difficulty. I just climb them one at a time. Same effort. Same willingness. One step after another up the staircase regardless of what each individual amend involves.
I can visualize my Step Eight list as a staircase where every step is exactly the same height. Each amend - easy or hard - requires the same spiritual effort: humility, honesty, willingness. When I'm intimidated by a hard amend, I can remind myself: same height as the easy ones. Just the next step to climb.
