The Fresh Starting Point

Last week I told my sponsor I couldn't work Step Eight because I'm still angry at most of the people on my potential list. How can I become willing to make amends to people I resent? She said: Start with willingness to become willing. Even that felt impossible. I'm stuck in justified anger and can't see past it.

Obtaining a clear path through willingness gives us a fresh starting point for our continuing growth and recovery. A fresh starting point. Not a perfect state of readiness. Not complete forgiveness. Not zero resentment. Just willingness - or willingness to become willing - as the starting point. I don't have to feel generous or forgiving to begin Step Eight. I just have to be willing to examine my part in what happened.

My sponsor - twenty years in Al-Anon - told me she worked Step Eight while still furious at her alcoholic parent. The willingness came through the action of making the list not before it. She wrote their name. She listed her harms. And slowly willingness emerged through the honest examination. I don't have to wait until I feel willing. I can start with the smallest crack of willingness and trust that examining my part will open it wider.

When resentment blocks me from Step Eight, I can write this sentence: I'm willing to become willing to examine my part in harming [name]. That tiny crack of willingness is enough. Then I can list one thing I did that hurt them, separate from what they did to me.