Only I Can Unlock

Last week I was complaining to my sponsor about how trapped I feel by my past. The mistakes I made. The harm I caused. The relationships I damaged. I kept saying I wish I could just move on but I'm stuck. She listened and then said: You're the one holding the key. Only you can unlock that door.

Step Eight reminds us that only we can unlock the door of our past and walk away. Only we. Not our sponsor. Not the people we harmed. Not time. Not forgetting. Only we can unlock it. And the key is making the list and becoming willing to make amends. I've been waiting for someone else to unlock this door for me - for the people I harmed to forgive me without me making amends, for time to heal without me taking responsibility, for my past to release me without me doing the work.

But the door stays locked until I turn the key. Making the list unlocks the first lock. Becoming willing unlocks the second. Then Step Nine will walk me through that door. But standing here complaining that I'm trapped while refusing to use the key I'm holding won't free me. Only I can unlock this. No one else has access to the lock. The power to free myself from my past is in my hands. The question is whether I'm willing to use it.

I can write this sentence and finish it honestly: The door of my past stays locked because I... (haven't made the list, am not willing, am waiting for others to change first, am afraid of what's on the other side). Then acknowledge: I hold the key. Only I can unlock this door through making my list and becoming willing.