The Yes Category
Our willingness to make amends starts with the 'yes' category and, by building our spiritual strength, continues with the remaining people on our list.
My Step Eight list has forty names on it. Looking at the whole list feels overwhelming. How can I possibly become willing to make amends to forty people? My sponsor said: Start with the yes category. The people you're already willing. So I marked each name: Yes, No, or Maybe. Seven people got yes. The rest - not willing yet.
Our willingness to make amends starts with the yes category and by building our spiritual strength continues with the remaining people on our list. Starts with yes. Not starts with trying to force willingness for everyone simultaneously. I can work with the seven I'm willing for now. Making amends to those seven will build spiritual strength I'll need for the harder ones. Each amend I make strengthens my capacity for the next one.
This removes the pressure to be willing for everyone immediately. The willingness grows through practice. I start with my friend I snapped at unfairly - relatively easy amends. That builds strength for my adult child I controlled for years - harder amends. Which builds strength for my ex I treated with contempt for decades - hardest amends. The list doesn't have to be worked all at once. It's worked in order of increasing difficulty as spiritual strength builds through practice. Start with yes. Let yes build strength for maybe. Let maybe build strength for no.
I can mark my Step Eight list: Yes (willing now), Maybe (not sure yet), No (definitely not willing). Focus only on the Yes names for now. As I work those amends, I'll build spiritual strength for the harder ones. Starting with yes creates momentum that makes maybe and no possible later.
