Building Belief

I've been stuck on my Step Eight list for weeks because I'm terrified of what happens next. What if I make amends and my brother rejects me? What if bringing up the past makes things worse with my daughter? What if I clean up my side of the street but nothing changes? The fear of outcomes has paralyzed me. But my fear is really about control. I'm trying to predict and manage how people will respond, as if I'm in charge of their reactions. That's playing God. My job is to make the amends. Their job is to respond however they need to. And God's job is to guide both of us through it—whatever that looks like. Trusting spiritual guidance means trusting the outcome even if it's not what I want. Maybe my brother won't forgive me, and that's his path. Maybe my daughter needs to stay angry a while longer, and that's her healing. I'm not responsible for fixing their response. I'm responsible for cleaning up my part and trusting God with everything else—the good outcomes and the hard ones.

When fear of outcomes stops me from taking action on my amends list, I can pause and ask: Am I trying to control their response? Today I'll write one name on my list and pray: "God, guide me in making this amend and guide them in receiving it—however that needs to unfold."