Dumping the Garbage

This morning I was at the dump with actual garbage from cleaning out my garage. Bags and bags of stuff I'd been storing for years that I no longer needed. As I threw each bag into the compactor I felt physically lighter. Then I thought about my Step Eight list and all the emotional garbage I'm still carrying from my past.

Can we begin a future without dumping the garbage of our past? Can we. The question isn't rhetorical. It's real. I've been trying to build a new life while carrying all this old garbage - resentments from ten years ago, unacknowledged harms I caused, guilt I've never addressed, shame I keep hidden. I'm dragging it all into my present and wondering why I feel so heavy.

The answer is no. I can't begin a future while carrying this garbage. The resentments contaminate new relationships. The unacknowledged harms keep me defensive. The guilt and shame make me hide parts of myself. Step Eight offers to help me dump this garbage but first I have to admit I'm carrying it. I have to make the list of people I've harmed and become willing to clean up my side of the street. Only then can I actually begin fresh instead of just hoping for a new start while weighted down with the past.

Today I can ask myself honestly: What garbage am I still carrying? Name three specific harms I caused that I've never addressed. Write them down. This is the garbage that's weighing down my future. Step Eight offers to help me dump it if I'm willing to name it and become willing to make amends.