Without Dumping the Garbage

Yesterday someone at my meeting celebrated five years in Al-Anon and talked about how their life has changed. Better boundaries. Less anxiety. More peace. I felt happy for them and also quietly desperate. Because I've been in program three years and I'm still carrying so much garbage from my past. Still bitter about things that happened a decade ago. Still angry at people who've moved on. Still trapped in resentment.

Can we begin a future without dumping the garbage of our past? Can we. The question confronts my avoidance of Step Eight. I want the future - the peace the freedom the new way of living. But I don't want to do the work of dumping the garbage. Making the list means acknowledging I created garbage through my own behavior not just received it from others. Becoming willing means I'm ready to clean up my mess not just complain about theirs.

The answer is no. I can't begin a future while carrying all this garbage from the past. The resentments weigh me down. The unacknowledged harms keep me stuck. The unwillingness to make amends traps me in bitterness. Step Eight offers to help me dump the garbage. But first I have to admit I'm carrying it and be willing to put it down.

I can ask myself honestly: What garbage am I still carrying from my past? Name three specific resentments or unacknowledged harms. Then write: I can't begin a future while carrying these. Step Eight offers to help me dump them if I'm willing to do the work.