Separate Individual
Seeing myself as a separate individual is often difficult.
I've been contemplating how hard it is to know where I end and others begin. Living with alcoholism blurred all the boundaries. The alcoholic's mood became my mood. Their crisis became my crisis. Their problem became my problem to solve. I lost track of who I was separate from them.
Seeing myself as a separate individual is often difficult. This simple sentence captures something profound. It's not just difficult to maintain my separateness – it's difficult to even see myself as separate. To recognize that I'm a distinct person with my own thoughts feelings needs boundaries. To understand that what happens to them isn't happening to me.
Step Four helps with this. When I take inventory of my own behavior my own patterns my own beliefs I'm practicing seeing myself as a separate individual. This is my inventory not theirs. These are my character defects not theirs. This is my life not theirs.
Every time I set a boundary I'm practicing separateness. Every time I focus on my own recovery instead of their drinking I'm practicing separateness. Every time I ask what I need instead of what they need I'm practicing separateness. It's difficult. But it's also essential. I can't recover if I can't see myself as a separate individual.
When I catch myself merging with someone else's crisis or mood, I can pause and ask: What's mine and what's theirs? Where do I end and they begin? Just asking the question helps me practice seeing myself as a separate individual.
