The Door Opens
When we courageously and carefully examine where we are, the door to change is opened.
I've been reflecting on what makes change possible. For years I tried to improve myself through willpower and determination. I'd decide to be less controlling or less critical or less anxious. I'd resolve to do better. But nothing really shifted. I'd manage for a few days or weeks and then slip right back into old patterns.
When we courageously and carefully examine where we are the door to change is opened. Change doesn't come from deciding to be different. It comes from honestly examining where I actually am right now. Not where I wish I was or where I think I should be. Where I actually am.
Step Four does this examination work. It asks me to look courageously at my actual behavior my actual patterns my actual beliefs. Not to judge them or fix them yet – just to see them clearly. To write them down. To acknowledge them honestly.
And when I do this – when I stop pretending and start examining – the door to change opens. Not because I've forced it open through willpower but because honest examination creates the conditions for transformation. I can't change what I won't acknowledge. I can't grow past what I refuse to see. But when I examine where I am courageously and carefully the door opens and change becomes possible.
I can examine one behavior pattern honestly today without trying to change it yet. Just write it down. Describe it. Acknowledge it. The examination itself opens the door – I don't have to force change through willpower.
