Acting on Beliefs

Before recovery I couldn't understand why I kept doing things that hurt me. Why did I say yes when I wanted to say no? Why did I apologize when I hadn't done anything wrong? Why did I sacrifice my own needs to make others comfortable? I thought something was wrong with me some fundamental weakness or flaw.

It helped me to realize that I usually acted on the basis of one of my beliefs. This realization changed everything. I wasn't weak or flawed – I was acting consistently with what I believed. I said yes because I believed saying no made me selfish. I apologized because I believed I was responsible for others' feelings. I sacrificed my needs because I believed my value came from serving others.

The behaviors made perfect sense once I understood the beliefs driving them. And understanding this gave me hope because I can change beliefs in ways I couldn't change my fundamental character. I can examine a belief question it challenge it replace it with something more true.

Now when I catch myself in old patterns I ask: What belief is driving this? Usually I find one of those core beliefs I identified in Step Four. And once I see the belief I can choose whether to keep acting on it or to act on a different belief instead.

When I catch myself in a behavior I don't like, I can ask: What belief is driving this action? If I trace the behavior back to the belief underneath it, I have something I can actually work with and change. The belief is more accessible than the behavior.