Inventorying Beliefs

I've been exploring different approaches to Step Four. My sponsor suggested something I hadn't considered: inventorying my beliefs. Not just my resentments or fears or character defects but the beliefs underneath all of those. The core beliefs that drive my behavior.

Step Four was an important one for me. I used several different formats to inventory my beliefs. This opened something new. I started writing down beliefs I didn't even know I held: I believe I'm responsible for other people's feelings. I believe love means sacrificing myself. I believe I have to be perfect to be acceptable. I believe showing my needs makes me a burden.

Seeing these beliefs written on paper was shocking. I'd been operating on them my entire life without questioning them. They felt like truth not belief. Of course I'm responsible for others' feelings – isn't that just being a good person? Of course love means sacrifice – isn't that what love is?

But they're beliefs not truths. And beliefs can be examined questioned changed. I don't have to keep operating on beliefs I formed in childhood to survive dysfunction. Step Four helped me see the beliefs clearly. The remaining Steps help me develop new ones based on reality instead of survival.

I can write down three beliefs I hold about myself, relationships, or responsibility. Then I can add: Where did this belief come from? Is it actually true? What would change if I believed something different? Seeing beliefs as beliefs rather than truths creates space for change.