The Risk of Disapproval

Before recovery I lived my entire life trying to avoid disapproval. I shaped myself to fit what others wanted. I said yes when I meant no. I pretended to be fine when I was falling apart. I contorted myself into whatever form would keep people happy with me. The thought of someone's disapproval felt unbearable.

My recovery required that I be willing to risk some others' disapproval in order to gain my own. This is one of the hardest lessons I've learned. I can't keep everyone happy and recover at the same time. Recovery means setting boundaries that some people won't like. It means making choices that disappoint others. It means risking their disapproval to gain my own approval.

Gaining my own approval – that's what I'd been missing my entire life. I was so focused on what everyone else thought of me that I had no idea what I thought of myself. I'd traded my own approval for theirs. And I ended up with neither – because no amount of contorting could keep everyone happy all the time.

Now I'm learning to risk their disapproval. To set boundaries even when people push back. To make choices that feel right to me even when others question them. I'm learning to value my own approval more than their comfort.

When I'm about to abandon a boundary to avoid someone's disapproval, I can pause and ask: Am I trading my own approval for theirs? What do I need here regardless of what they want? My recovery depends on being willing to risk their disapproval.