Taking Back Power

I've been contemplating what it means to have power in recovery. For so long I felt completely powerless – powerless over the alcoholic's drinking powerless over the chaos powerless over my own anxiety and obsession. I gave my power away trying to control things I couldn't control.

I needed the willingness to take back my power. This phrase stopped me. Take back my power. It was mine and I gave it away. I handed it over to the disease to the alcoholic to the crisis to everyone except myself. I made their behavior more important than my own wellbeing. I made their choices more significant than mine.

Taking back my power means reclaiming my right to make decisions about my own life. To set boundaries. To say no. To choose how I spend my time and energy. To stop waiting for them to change so I can be okay. To recognize that my life belongs to me not to their disease.

But taking back power requires willingness – willingness to face their disapproval willingness to let them be unhappy with my choices willingness to stop being who they want me to be. The power was always mine. I just needed the willingness to reclaim it.

I can identify one area where I've given away my power – where I'm waiting for someone else to change before I can be okay. Then I can ask: What would taking back my power look like here? What choice is actually mine to make?