The Gap Between Deciding and Doing
The decision to turn our life and will over to the care of our Higher Power is demonstrated when we follow it up with the action of taking our moral inventory.
Step Three was abstract. I said the words: 'I turn my will and my life over to God.' It felt safe because it was theoretical, a decision made in my head, a surrender that required no evidence.
Step Four asks for proof. It says: Pick up the pen. Write it down. Make a list of the specific ways you've hurt people, lied to yourself, betrayed your own values. The moment I reach for the notebook, terror floods in. If I write it down, I can never pretend I didn't know. The abstract becomes concrete, and concrete means accountable.
This is the gap where most of us live—between deciding and doing. We say we've surrendered, but we won't demonstrate it with action because action makes it real. As long as surrender stays in my head, I can take it back. The minute I inventory my moral failures on paper, there's a record. I can't unsee what I've written.
Al-Anon is teaching me that demonstration is where surrender actually happens. The decision is Step Three. The courage to make it real—to face the inventory, to pick up the pen—is Step Four. The gap between them is where faith gets tested.
When I feel resistance to starting my inventory, I can pause and ask: What am I afraid will happen if I write it down? Is the fear of knowing worse than the exhaustion of hiding? Can I write just one thing today—one small truth—and see if I survive the honesty?
