Honest Open Willing

Yesterday I sat down with my Step Four notebook and realized I'd been approaching this all wrong. I'd been trying to do it perfectly. Trying to remember everything. Trying to be thorough and complete and get it all down. I was stuck in analysis paralysis – so focused on doing it right that I couldn't do it at all.

Most of all I learned I needed to be honest open and willing in order to discover who I really am. Not perfect. Not thorough. Not complete. Honest open and willing. Those are the requirements.

Honest means writing what's actually true even when it's uncomfortable. Not what I wish were true or what should be true. What is true. Open means staying receptive to what the inventory reveals even if I don't like it. Not defending or justifying just being open to seeing myself clearly. Willing means being ready to start even though I'm scared and unsure.

I don't have to do this perfectly. I have to do it honestly openly willingly. That's how I discover who I really am – not through perfect analysis but through honest examination. Not through comprehensive completeness but through willingness to see what's actually there.

So I started writing. Honestly openly willingly. Imperfectly but genuinely. And slowly I'm discovering who I really am underneath all the pretending and defending.

I can write in my Step Four inventory for just ten minutes with these three intentions: be honest (write what's actually true), be open (don't defend or justify), be willing (write even though I'm uncomfortable). Those three things matter more than getting it perfect or complete.