What Alcoholism Destroyed
Living with the disease of alcoholism can destroy self-esteem.
"Alcoholism didn't destroy my self-esteem all at once. It hollowed it out slowly. Each time I abandoned what I needed to manage what they needed. Each time I swallowed my opinion to avoid a fight. Each time I told myself the peace of the house mattered more than the person keeping it.
After enough of that, I stopped being someone with low self-esteem. I stopped being someone at all. Ask me what I wanted and I'd calculate the safest answer. Ask me what I liked and I'd scan for what would cause the least trouble. I wasn't hiding myself ‚ I'd genuinely lost track.
Step Four showed me the shape of what was missing. Not just my defects, but all the places where a self used to be ‚ preferences I'd abandoned, boundaries I'd never set, worth I'd handed away one compromise at a time. The disease didn't just lower my self-esteem. It taught me I didn't deserve to have any."
Today I can do one thing for myself I would gladly do for someone I care about.
