Both Sides of Myself
Step Four teaches us to take a thorough look at ourselves, the positives as well as the negatives.
Last Wednesday my sponsor suggested I start Step Four. My immediate reaction was dread. I know what this Step means – looking at my character defects, examining my faults, facing what I've done wrong. I've spent so much time already feeling terrible about myself. Why would I want to make a formal list of everything that's wrong with me?
Then she reminded me: Step Four teaches us to take a thorough look at ourselves the positives as well as the negatives. Both sides. Not just the defects but also the assets. Not just what's wrong but also what's right. This shifted everything for me.
I've been so focused on my flaws that I'd forgotten I also have strengths. Yes I can be controlling – but I'm also capable and organized. Yes I can be critical – but I also have high standards and care about doing things well. Yes I've made mistakes – but I've also shown up for people and tried my best in impossible situations.
Step Four isn't an exercise in self-hatred. It's an honest assessment of the whole person I am – the positives as well as the negatives. Both matter. Both are true. Both belong in my inventory.
When I start my Step Four inventory, I can make two columns – one for character defects and one for assets. For every negative trait I list, I can identify a corresponding strength. This balanced view helps me see myself honestly without slipping into self-hatred.
